Waiting for something, but what?

From my prayer journal this morning,

“It seems that we have been waiting on “What’s next” since we moved to Lakeland. I don’t feel settled here. I don’t know why, I just feel like something is missing. I feel like we are here, but we are waiting on something else – waiting….. I don’t remember feeling this way when we lived in Hernando Beach. Am I waiting on our next adventure/trip? On a new job? On the next move? I’m feeling totally unfulfilled, like there is just something missing from our every day life – but I have no idea what it is.”


It is hard to wait when you don’t know what you are waiting for – What would I even do to make the waiting stop?

Am I anxious about what is to come in the next 7-9 weeks? Probably. But the feeling of something missing has been going on much longer than just the 8 months I’ve been pregnant. So here I am, waiting. Praying over the wait, reading while I wait, and learning more about our God while I wait.

I love these verses from Psalm 139

“Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
And see if there be any grievous ways in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.”

Psalm 139:23-24

On wanting to do more


Oh writing how I’ve missed you. I’ve been longing to write again, but I’ve been kind of hesitant, again.

What do I even write about? My life is not really all that exciting. I’m a work from home Mom who struggles to balance everything that comes with being a work at home Mom. That is not super exciting or even the least bit glamorous. I’m struggling with finding my place in life – one of my closest friends said this to me today (I wrote it down because it was so true & I didn’t want to forget it) She said, “you’ve struggled with finding your place in this grown-up life.” I think that’s 100% accurate. I absolutely have.

I think it became more prevalent when Paisley as born. I really can’t remember what life was like before she was born – what did I even struggle with? Nothing that I can remember. Life was pretty simple. Chris worked a lot, traveled a lot. I spent a lot of time with my friends, who were also kid less. I went to the beach a lot, ran a lot, worked out a lot, and went to work in a regular office 35-40 hours a week. A seemingly normal life.

I do remember wanting to do more for people. I remember encountering my first breast cancer patient & her story just broke my heart in a way that it had never been broken before. I began to see healthcare in a way that I had never seen it before. Despite being in health care for 6 years at this point – I was just seeing the side where the uninsured truly struggled to get adequate healthcare. You’re probably rolling your eyes and wondering how I managed to go 20 something years on this earth without realizing this – but to be honest, I’ve had health insurance for as long as I can remember; and it’s not something I’ve ever worried about or had really encountered up until this point.

I remember wanting to do something more for this patient – wanting to help her find resources that could help her get treatments she needed, and other services that you need when you’re a breast cancer survivor. She was not the only cancer patient I watched struggle with treatments & doctors because of the lack of insurance. It was these encounters that made me realize that I wanted to do something more with my life – that I really was compassionate about helping others – but I’ve never known HOW I could do that. What is my platform? How can I reach a large amount of people, and then when I reach them, what am I going to say?

It’s hard to distinguish if I’m being called by God to write, or if it’s just something that I want to do. So, I’m going to write as I can, and about what I want until I’m told, or feel otherwise.87fc4ac3a6620019dde7418d1d2ca415

Something to say

I haven’t written lately because I haven’t felt like I had anything of any real value to say; so instead of just rambling on here & sharing my life, I’ve said nothing. But if I say nothing, what is the point of this blog?

A friend messaged me on fb earlier this week and her message made me realize that just because I don’t feel like I have nothing of value to share doesn’t mean that someone else wouldn’t find value in what I have to say.

I love that you share so much of yourself on FB bc sometimes I read something & just think “yes!”

Her message was so important to me – It’s important because I use my facebook has an outlet & a way to reach other Women & other Mom’s. Being a Mom is one of the hardest things I have ever done, and sometimes it can be so isolating.

It’s like this is this unwritten rule that Moms can’t have bad days, and if we do, we surely shouldn’t talk about it because by God we are so blessed to have these little monsters that wreak havoc on our lives 24 hours a day.

Don’t get me wrong, I am so blessed to have Paisley, and I wouldn’t trade her. I wouldn’t go back and change anything about the last 2.5 years, but being a Mom is hard. No matter if you work in a regular job, if you’re a work from home mom, or if you’re a stay at home Mom. At the end of the day, we are all responsible for raising these tiny terrors that have taken over our lives.


so maybe I don’t have something profound to say, but I do always have something to say.


Until next time,


Changing my focus


“The mind feasts on what it focuses on. What consumes my thinking will be the making or the breaking of my identity.”

This quote from Lysa TerKeurst makes me think back to conversations I’ve had over the past few months with a few friends. I talk to these friends every day, and the conversation is basically always the same. I’m mostly complaining about this, that or the other.

I look back, and I’m exhausted & embarrassed by the amount of complaining I’ve done over the last few months. How do these friends even tolerate talking to me? Honestly, how? I’m annoying myself by how much I complain. Good grief.

When I realized this, I started to make a conscious effort to stop complaining. I would like to say that I’m complaint free, but I’m not. I’m human, but I am making an honest attempt at watching what comes out of my mouth.

The truth is, I really don’t have much to complain about. Chris has a steady job. Sure, he works 7 days a week, and that really stinks, but he has a job. I have a great job. I get to work from home & keep Paisley home with me. It’s stressful at times, and I often don’t have enough hours in the day, but I am home raising my daughter, and that’s the important thing to me.

mind feasts

To change what I’m talking about, I have to change what I’m focusing on. I’ve been diving into reading personal development books; books that are relevant to where I’m at in my life, and what I want to accomplish. I’m not just reading random books that someone else says I should read because it will help my business.

I’m reading faith based book because that’s where I’m feeling called to go. I need peace in my life, and I can’t create my own peace. I create more chaos, not peace. Jesus is the peacemaker, and I need to reconnect with him. I’m stepping back from things/people that aren’t giving me joy and moving towards things/people that will.

Life is short. It’s to short to be running around unhappy & empty.

My life goals are to be successful & happy. I don’t know what that success looks like, but I do know that being miserable to get there isn’t how I’m going to live. I’m changing what I’m focusing on so that my mind doesn’t feast on the wrong things.

A few of my favorites from this past week

I used to love to read blogs…. when I had more free time. After Paisley was born I found myself with less time to read & less time to write. When I did find time to read, I found myself annoyed by the blogs that I had once loved, so I stopped reading them altogether.

In my most recent attempt to figure out who I am & where I’m going, I’ve rediscovered my love for blogs. I’ve exchanged my love for health & fitness blogs for blogs of women who have written books, and who write about the hardships & joys of motherhood. Those are the women I relate to at this point in my life. Of course I still love health & fitness, I am a fitness coach, after all. I love working out, and eating healthy, but that isn’t an area I struggle with. I struggle with being the kind of Mom I want to be.

Today I wanted to share a few posts that I’ve enjoyed over the past week:

The Important thing about Yelling from the Hands Free Mama Blog
Free 10 day prayer journal from Lysa TerKeurst
This RV renovation is gorgeous! One of our 5 year goals is to sell our house & live in an RV.
This post on having a Misery Attitude or a  Mastery Attitude (I struggle with a misery attitude sometimes)

This verse, “Don’t think only about your own affairs, but be interested in others, too, and what they are doing.” Philippians 2:4 says

This quote from Lysa TerKeurst book, Uninvited: Living Loved When you feel less than, Left out, and Lonely….
Rejection steals the best of who I am by reinforcing the worst of what’s been said to me.”

I like good books & I cannot lie

I thank You, Lord, that as I submit myself to You today and resist the enemy and his lies, the devil must flee from me in Jesus’ name – James 4:7

I wanted to start today off with this little prayer I read in a new devotional I began reading today. I came across this devotional, Devotions for a Healthier You, by Katie Farrell a few days ago while I was searching for something else.

Let’s give Amazon a round of applause for always having an amazing list of “if you bought this, you should also buy this” list.. Gets me EVERY time!

Since I’ve become somewhat of a personal development junkie, I bought that book and a few others, of course. One day last week I went into Family Christian Book store after a particularly rough morning with Paisley. I needed Jesus, y’all. I browsed around the home goods section for a while, and then found myself among allllll the books. So many good books, I just wanted to buy them all. But being the sensible person that I am, I only bought one. from the bookstore.

The rest I scanned with the handy dandy Amazon app and added to my cart. I can’t help it if Amazon was $4-5 cheaper on every single book! If you don’t know about the amazon scanner thing, good for you! Don’t learn about it! Just kidding, if you don’t know about it, let me fill you in!

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(my current TO-READ list…not all bought at the same time, thank you very much)
Living Well Spending Less, Ruth Soukoup
Uninvited, living loved when you feel less than, lonely & left out: Lysa TerKeurst
Triggers: Exchanging Parents Angry reactions for gentle biblical responses
Hope Unfolding, Becky Thompson
Living Well Spending Zero, Ruth Soukup
Devotions for a Healthier You, Katie Farrell

On your amazon app, PLEASE tell me you at least have the amazon app on your phone!! On your app there is a handy little bar code scanner. It scans the bar code, or any lettering on the package and then pulls up the matching product on amazon. It gives you the price, which is almost ALWAYS cheaper. You can add it to your cart from there or add it to a wishlist. My poor wishlists are overflowing with books and other miscellaneous crap that I think i’ll need some day.

Okay, so now you’ve been properly educated about the Amazon app – Also, many stores will price match Amazon – Target being the one I use most often. Best Buy also price matches, and I THINK Toys R Us will as well – Don’t quote me on that one, but I think it’s true. (price matching has to be on the exact same product, and it must be an amazon prime product, free shipping).

I think my job is done here for today – I’ve given you a sufficient list of books to check into, and I’ve taught you about the amazingness that is the Amazon app. Now it’s time for me to read & eat breakfast. Baby sister is kicking around saying she’s hungry.


Until next time,


Creating order in the chaos

My alarm went off at 4am. I hopped out of bed, used the bathroom, then sneaked into the kitchen to make my coffee.

Today is a new day, with a new schedule. Yesterday in Living Well Spending Less, Ruth talked about creating a schedule to help create habits. The point of creating the schedule is so that you do the same things every morning until they become a mindless habit. I wake up early, but by mid day I am drained and have no energy left to do much of anything. The author talked about this same problem – she states that creating a schedule that she can do mindlessly in the morning saves some brain power so that she has more energy for longer in the day. This idea sounds amazing, and could be my saving grace for the duration of this pregnancy.

The days are long, and my patience are worn down to a tiny sliver of a nub by time 5pm rolls around – cooking dinner & bed time are exhausting and turn me into a little bit of a Monster.

2016-08-23 04.35.12

It seems hard to imagine, I suppose – but as a work from home Mom, my days are slam packed. I work every free minute I have, of course there is some mindless facebook scrolling, which I really should cut out – but I justify it by saying that I can’t possibly work every single second, it’s my life, and I should at least enjoy some of it. But the thing is, scrolling facebook really isn’t even all that enjoyable. There is nothing but bad news there, and it makes me feel more guilty than anything else. It’s just one of those habits that I’ve created that I haven’t broken yet. The best thing I’ve done recently, is turn off my facebook feed in my google chrome browser, which is my most used browser. I’ve only done this on my laptop, but I’m going to install it on my desktop as well.

This may seem pointless because you could just turn it back on, that’s true, but from what I can tell it takes more than a few seconds to uninstall and turn your feed back on, so for now, it’s done it’s job to keep me from scrolling to much on my laptop.

Screenshot 2016-08-23 05.42.33

I’m hopeful that imposing a schedule will help me feel more organized, and less spastic. I’ve been struggling with motivation since I got back from Nashville. July was a great month for my business, but since I got back I’ve felt all out whack & off kilter.  To be honest, I’ve really had to re-evaluate what my priorities are & what was causing me the most stress & heartache.

Creating a schedule with such a tight timeline allows me to focus & keeps me from wandering all over the place. A simple task, such as writing this blog post, could take me over an hour if I allowed it. I would wander around from website to website, then come back to the post, write a few sentences, then check my email, check my online business office, get more coffee, check out what’s new on pinterest, come back the post, rinse/repeat. You know the drill, you’re probably familiar with it yourself. This is creating chaos in my life. I simply don’t have the extra time in my day for simple tasks to take 2-3x longer than they need to take.

Ruth issued this challenge to me (not me personally, but in her book, you know what I’m saying, right?):

what would happen if you spent the next week writing down every single thing you did? 

Would you find that your time log matched your priorities?

What would happen if someone else were to observe how you use your time? Would your long term vision be immediately apparent? Does the way you use our time clearly reflect what is most important to you? 

Do our choices match our calling, our vision, goals, passions & dreams?” 

Phew, that got me thinking….. and made me feel guilty for the way I waste time during my day. It lit a fire under my hiney to get more organized and more intentional about my day.

I’ll end with this quote from William Penn,

“Time is what we want most but what we use worst.”


Until next time,